Lags to the max maaan,

So i'm lagging on the unnecessary study guide i shall create. Not much of a lag if its unnecessary ;P haha. But you know, i feel proud of myself. 5 A's and 2 B's. Yes i am bragging, because..I CAN ACTUALLY DO IT XD haha. And all it takes is a little work, not as much as it seems. Usually we all end up spending like 4 hours on a project and we complain, but if we cut down all our slack work, its really ony like an hour and a half. Agree? Well that's how it works for me.

School off topic-ness. Today when i came home after being with DJ, i was in my room. I needed God's help, and so i asked for it. He inspired me through music. So in my room i free danced and free-sang the truth of the world and it felt so good. I never found more comfort in dancing and singing than i ever have before. I became sweaty and speechless, but i was thankful for becoming tired and able to express myself. I feel a new me coming on, and i hope i have enough strength to bring it to the world.

More off topic-ness. My feelings keep constantly wavering about you, and now i am officially re-confused. I either like you this much or that much, it just keeps changing and i'm not sure where i'm supposed to be. I ask God for his help, and i keep hearing different things. Maybe the devil's tryna like ruin it for me since i'm getting closer to God, but its still hard for me to figure out which one's God. Stay or leave, i don't know ! It's a struggle for me, but i don't feel the weight of it on my shoulders. I dont feel much weight on my shoulders. Only how heavy my backpack is when i wear it, but hey at least it isn't as heavy as the cross that Jesus had to bear on his shoulders.

More proud-ness. I feel so proud of myself, that i read the Bible now, i pray, i'm opening up, and i have good grades. There's lots of drama in my life that i am starting to become aware of, but somehow the good things still stay on the up-side. I thank God for that :) i thank him soooo much, i dont know how i became so worthy of having him by my side and support me. I've cried almost everyday so far this week ever since saturday, but somehow that still didn't bother me after. Maybe its cus i'm such a cry baby hahahhaa. No matter if i am, that's how i get things out of me, and how i let things go. Crying helps, i cry for everything.

Well its time to get some water and go concentrate. I hope i pass this test, i'm glad the culinary test wasn't something i failed. I'm glad i get the chance to be able to learn how to cook :)


LOVE YOU GOD <3 and everyone else who needs my unconditional acceptance ! (or at least i hope i have unconditional acceptance)

Dear family,

I always feel so bad everytime i miss the family parties. "Then do something about it," except that usually i can't. It's either i'm too far, i stay for a short amount of time, or i'm at a yfc event. I miss you guys, and don't trip. Please don't give me those guilt trips, it makes me upset. Going to an even is my choice, but the rest aren't. Don't think i'm always ditchin' cus i want to, cus i don't wana leave you guys when i'm actually there. It isn't much fair that i always have to go down there tho, and you guys not up here. I know some of you can't come up here cus your parents won't drive, but you know how hard it is to find a way to get back up here when i DO go down there? And the fact that i actually get to go down there sometimes, you nevah come up here unless theres like a party or something. Come up to chill, yeah? i wish it was that easy and do-able. If that were the case, then we'd be closer than ever. Or maybe that's just me :p i can't compete with the inside jokes you guys have, and i don't know what you guys are talking about half the time. Maaaaaaybe since i got my dad's side personality and not my mama's that i feel a difference. But when we're finally able to drive HAHA we can drive xD to see each other IN THE MIDDDLE ! except some cousins can drive already xP but yeah. ahah sorry guys ):
luff you tho <3

-i hope they dont see me as a ditcher -.-

blogger

Maaan, i wish more people had Bloggers ! Most people just have Tumblrs, ehh. To me, tumblr sounds like something that happens in a washing machine ! ? hahaha because the clothes tumble... yeaaaaah <.< ------ hahaha okay yeah, thats it xD pretty boring blog, eh ?

It is what it is.

Being as it comes, staying at my dad's is coming closer to an end, but i wish i could stay here longer. Seeing my cousin, i wish i could become closer to her. But wishing is almost coming to an end with the summer nights, and soon i'll be wishing for less work, or a better teacher. I am a dreamer, i am what i am. I also feel like there is something that i must do, but i'm not sure what. I feel like i want to do something, but i'm not sure what. Something like something to do, not really a job but much more of a hobby typa deal, yenno?
I hope i can be inspiring or a good role-model for others. Too many kids these days are way into and over their heads, that they don't see the view outside. Some kids need to realize that it takes a climb in order to see that great view, but hey what do i know? I'ma dreamer too:) i just dont go over my head, i think ha. I will try my best to help people :D ehh i'm lazy to think and type, i'm with muh cousin Jasmine and we're gona go to Plaza Bonita. I Sucks at shopping, wooo ! bahahhaha

Innocent love.

Even though people usually search for the big stars, i search for the tiniest ones. Because even if they are unnoticed, they still try their best to shine.

Truthness.

The truth takes its revenge on people. Having that said, we have to watch out when we reveal the truth. But without truth, no one could find their true happiness.

Lyrics

(Verse 1)
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

(Verse 2)
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

(Verse 3)
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.


This song is beautiful, but i've only heard it in Japanese ^^-

i had my time.

Looking at people's myspaces and what not, saying their love for this and that. Everyone 'loves' guitar and is the best, and everyone 'knows' how to break and is bomb at it; everyone can also 'dance' their heart out. But it's all for show right? I had my time where i wanted to learn guitar and be a part of that dance world, but in my mind i give up because its 'too crowded'. Of course i want to learn to play piano or guitar for the joy of it, but if i did learn i know i'd have the urge to show other people up because i know where their hearts are at. I did wana join a dance team, but it doesn't really help me if those who just 'know' the people are placed 'in front' of me. It cannot be helped. These days, people are taken in not for their talents but for their connections. Trying your best, is what they say, but it doesn't matter anyways right? It does.

'To try your best is to be yourself' -my thoughts.

Sounds simple right? But notice all of the things around you, the hype. The hype right now in my era is mostly guitar and dance. Half the people do it cus they love it, but most of them do it cus of others. They are afraid and don't wana be left out, maybe? I wouldn't know, i'm not them hopefully. Being truthful to yourself is something hard to do. Being yourself is hard because of all the temptations and tests that has been put infront of all of us.

There is always a resolution to every problem that has come, and that resolution is to be yourself, unless there are consequences to it. But being yourself, also be truthful to yourself.


In my mind, i could probably never speak these words to someone or stand up for myself. I don't think it suits my tongue. What do you think?

hype?!

hahaha silly me, i always thought hype beast was just a type of style, yenno another way to dress. but hype's actually like copying other people and not being real unless you actually do like doing that(but not for the sake of others but for the enjoyment of one's self). hype hype hype, hype huh... it makes me curious as to why people crave attention, thinking that theyd get it in a group of hype people. if all you're doing is thinking of yourself and hoping other people notice your 'talents' then you're wrong. the other people who're in the hype too just want the 'fame' themselves. i have a message for those people:

Care for others, &do what you love to do, not just because everyone else does it.

And for those who do truly love doing what other people are 'trying' to do, if its your true passion you won't stop. Because those other people, they will stop when the 'world' stops.

i tried the colorgenics

i saw it on allyson's blog so i wanted to try it !
o_O thats the face i have on..
pretty scary, how they know my feelings, or most of it.
yenno ?

Name: Audrey DeGuzman
Date: 8/3/2009
Colorgenics Number: 14526307

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.

The situation at this time is one of considerable distress. You feel trapped and you are looking for some way out. You can find solace in the arms of someone who cares so long as there is no long-term emotional involvement.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

this is for SAWUH !

saraaaaah. i just read somemore of your blogs ! about your life. okay well..

yeah, i know that you're younger than me, but somehow you inspire me even through your messed up blogs. why? i wish i could express my feelings like you. i'm like a tiny emotion box hider if that made sense xP when i'm sad, i don't express it most of the time because i hide it so no one else would be effected. people can see in your world with their own eyes because of your words. not only your life, but maybe many others and truths. you speak the truth girl ! about those "fml" things. yenno ? and you say you're still happy ! see :) my bestfriend's happy even though her life is ugly. you're brave sarah, and i admire that too. a lot. i wish i could be brave and inspiring xP people give you a lota crap? well i'll try to help ! though i'm not good at it xD i plan one of your closest friends for life, okay? okay :D haha. I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU ! hopefully i geta see you this week. if i don't, it'd be the first week without seeing you this summer Dx o&i also wish i could worship God like you can :) i do love him, but i think you love him more. xP i wouldn't know hehe. but i'll try to get you something from six flags ! and lets do lotsa stuff this summer because NO MORE SUMMER SCHOOOL ! well i'm getting off of track xD so i'll end it here. there's probably lotsa more stuff, but sooner or later i'll end up telling you orrrr you'll see it through heeere or SOMETHING !

I LOVE YOU SARAH EMILLE JACOT ! with my liiife :D and don't forget that.

<3

a bagel from yesterday.

yaaay, final day of summer school ffor this year and hopefully FOR THE REEST OF MY LIFE ! anyways, yesterday i got another cheese bagel from my teacher bcs i help him. the other side (troublemakers that don't give any respect at all) got mad at me xP soooo i got upset because i can't fight for myself. yenno, so i wrote it all down on a paper, wishing i coulda said some of this stuff to them. well here it is :

I dont feel obliged to share this with them bcs itd feel like they're using me. When do they ever talk to me? only when they have to or want something. its not like theyve ever talked to me before. have they No shame? probably not, They must be used to asking strangers for food. they're just selfish, they might think i'm selfish for not sharing, but they're selfish and inconsiderate bcs all they want is this bagel and all their side comments to every little thing, they disregard peoples' feelings. we all can hear you, and that's the only reason they talk to me. if they think being rude would get them far, then they'd better think again. they could've been nice to me but they talk to me as if i'm a friend of theirs that they can easily be rude to. they aren't guinely nice or just nice, or give respect at all. how the fxcking hell do they expect me to share if they don't even give respect to the authorizing person in the classroom (teacher). if they can't respect him, what makes you think that they'd respect me ? why would they, i'm just a tiny little asian girl with nice shoes who can't fight for herself. if they think that could stomp all over me, i wouldn't let them. oh yeah, pciking a fight would tooooooooooootally get them that bagel. SYKE. i dont feel obliged to share with people that only talk to me for the possessions i have, i don't appreciate it, but i'm sure they don't care. why the hell would they? but i'm mostly mad at myself. i wish i could stand up for myself. i wish i could speak these words, but in the end they only lie in the back of my tongue and in the shadows.

wellp yeah, and something bad happened today.


aidan peed in my room DDDDDDDDDDx

but thats about it xD i'm skippin last day for SIX FLAGS FOOO' ! its my cousin anivey's burfdae.




SHOUT OUT TO HER ! HAPPY BURFDAE ANIVEYLOOOOVE~! :)

o man

what an interesting fact i found out in summer school today (history). Joan of Arc was burned on the day of my birthday.
oh last night i had a dream about my cousin erika? it was weird. i barely remember but i think she was like mad at me or something. and this whole cousin thing, i don't like it when they give the guilt trips. too maaany, yenno? o well ! that's why i stay quiet around them, i might say something wrong :P nyeh

bored.

i'm so bored, OUT OF MY MIIIIND ! i've never been so bored. i'd just go and roll around on the floor just to complain about my boredness. i wana go to the birfdae party, no fair. so booooooooooored Dx

snakes that snigger

sarah would only know what i'm talking about, especially since she just left my house. HAHAHA mysterious person ;) weeeeird, it had to be A_ _ _ _ ! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ____ ____ ____ ____ O_O we wouldn't stop laughing like for 30 minutes about that XD frkn funny ! mysterious people ! they're so strange, R_______, but especially A_______ hahahhaa !

okay okay okay, we're gnna try to get closer to that person >;) watch, alll the friends would be listening to us TRY to talk on the phone to it. IT hahhahahha jkay..or am i o_O lmao.

today was a fun day. we had smoothie king. and talked about weird things ;)

ghahahha i love sawuh<3

it's been a while..

since i've been on this ! haha i've been busy, sorrry . well i went to casey's & rendall's house today :) first time ! i like exploring peoples houses. rendall's really wasn't what i pictured but it was still cool & fun ! i finally met his little sister :) and i surprised dj there tooo. i've been hcka missing people lately though ! even the ones i barely talked to but blahhh. i've just been wondering how they are :3 i've been wanting to call soooo many people ! stupid summmah schoool & broken charger...well tomorrow's last sesssion of schoool, woot ! but next week, the second session starts arready. booooo second sesssion, i dislike history classs.. -.o well hopefully i getta see sawuh tomorrow ! i gots a disposable camera for pictures of just her and me :) our memory camera ! since, yenno, i lost my digital like a while ago.

better than yesterday !

Wellp, nothing was really wrong with yesterday xD but i'm just saying today's better :] i finished muh homework in summah school so i don't have any, then i went shoppping at ross ! there wasn't much there though, their shorts were too big for me D; i want black&white ! but i managed to get 2.5 dresses ;P haha well one of them could be used as a dress or a shirt ! ohhh & i asked muh gma if i could go to david's house tomorrow. "As long as he's not your boyfriend...you might end up doing something.." etc etc etc ! yenno? ya feel me. ? well yeah, i told her he's like a brother to me xD ewwwwww he CANT be like muh brother, i don't luhh him like that XD but i can't wait ! :D &then hopefully i am able to go wif sawuh to dmf !

mmmm sabao. i just luhh eating rice with sabao ! its mmm mmm good :] and while playing pokemon platinum sooon ! hehe i'm training though -.- but i always have to secretly play while my brother aidan isn't around otherwise he'd want it xD but i have baaad news ! i think i'm losing muh singing voice D: i needa start practicing...or at least singing randomly like i used to ! that's basically practice, ha. O i just caught a nosepass ! haha i plan on catching all the pokemon, thank you very much :) stupid bronzors..ha ! sorry, i'm a pokenerd ;P

first time !

eeeep, this is muh first time blogging ! i decided to make one because i looked at sarah's and i'm like, "what the heck, i get bored a lot. Might as well make one !" she probably doesn't even know :] teehee well anyways, today was also muh first day at summer school ! booooooo. summer schooool Dx yeah, i'm taking english 1 bcs i got a D at cathedral. people think i'm smart, mostly, but i don't think i'm very smart academically [x hopefully i'm smart other ways in life ! that would be horrible if i made the wrong mistakes D: but like a usual human, i do make them . *sigh booooooo homework. i have vocab notecards & a rough draft i have to do. i just wanna stop and drink tea. well i'm basically doing that xD except without the tea ):

mmmm i hope summer will be fun. i hope i see lotsa people. actually, i saw some people ! casey, willie, jayson, dennis, junethea, aj, mark, etc etc etc. alll at summer school nd l&ls . i wish i could see muh bestfriends though ! sawuh, ewika, twisha, ETC. you knoooow. welll maybe not (x well that just sucks for you, doesn't it :] i also wish to see muh lover boooo david ! he was madset last night about it, then i got sadset Dx but i might see him wed :D then sawuh on thurs ! wooot dmf (del mar fair) i hope there aren't any complications about that.. there better not be D:< then a debut on saturday ! oo i should get a dress tomorrow bcs yeah ! uhhhhg i guess i have to start doing muh hw ! i am though ! kinna..i'mma slacker (x

xtra:
-madset/sadset: a combination of mad/sad with upset
-i make lotsa faces with muh words bcs it gives it more life ! yenno?
people you might see more!
-David (Caalaman): he's muh boyfriend:] i love him very much, thank you. April 2, 2009 looooove !
-Sarah (Jacot): she's muh bestfriend ! we're Very weird bahaha;D bff@ mh(mission hills) ! she also brought me into the youth:] err i think she did XD CFCY !
-Erika (Grenier): she's muh cousin, actually muh aunt. but i don't like explaining so i tell err'one that she's muh cousin:) she's also muh life-known bestfrieeeend !
Casey (Guinto): he's a whole combination of things to me, like another bestfriend. but he's also muh ex so sometimes its like ehh, yenno ? (x it's weird bcs he's muh boyfriend's bestfriend too.
Trisha (Llanes):she was like one of muh first bestfriends starting highschool:] aawwwh, she's ppretty ghetto too GANG$TAFA$h0 yanno ! i barely see her though, i miss her.
Anivey (Casanada):muh REAL cousin, haha ! she's nothing else but muh cousin&bestfriend:] she tickles me to death -.-

there's prolly more you'll run into if i keep muh blog up to date ;P welll time to do muh homework while texting ! booooo homework.